feb diary

reading / eating / movies / dreams / music

reading:

slow month but sometimes it has to be that wayy

• Te Di Ojos Y Miraste Las Tinieblas (Irene Sola)

  • the book itself was not my favorite but i read it with a book club which made it such a worthwhile experience. there is nothing better than getting to look at something deeply with people and ask questions and tell stories

  • if i had any experience in comparative literature i would investigate the relationship between the recent wave of horror-inspired Latin American literature which features heavy motifs of darkness, demons, inversions of Catholicism, and more. i’m talking Nuestra Parte de Noche (Mariana Enriquez), Las Indigas (Agustina Bazterrica) and Para Hechizar Un Cazador (Luciano Lamberti). didn’t really love those too too much either which is strange because i feel like those symbols are so powerful to me

• Tree of Smoke (Denis Johnson)

  • everyone was riding for this on twitter but i’m just not buying in yet. it’s a big one so it might have to go on the shelf and mature for a while

  • lovee books that are giant mosaics of characters

  • but can’t really say what is exactly going on yet so

movies:

not a good month for movies either must say.. mission for march is to watch some art house shittttt

• The Cabin In The Woods (2011)

  • so so stupiddd it was good

  • archetypes are great, especially when it’s the slutty blonde girl archetype. don’t know why it resonates with me so strongly (more on that later)

• Cunk On Life (2024)

  • love this Chicken Shop Date type humor. it’s a delight to act like a fool

  • reminds me of a bit i used to do when i worked the drive thru… i’d say would u like ur receipt? (which was really just the setup for this joke because no one wants their receipt) and they’d say no and i’d say yeah… they don’t taste very good… and sometimes they’d laffff and sometimes they had adverse reactions

• Fahrenheit 451 (2018)

  • just watched this because Michael B Jordan is hot

  • i already knew i didn’t like f451 but this was worse and deplorable

food:

• banana bread made with sourdough by tonya. god it was so delicious like moist and it tasted lightly of bananas and it just hit the spwot. like exactly right. and my family liked it too and i was like yeah girl i can put bread on this table honey

• burrata feels like a trick because it’s cheese but it’s not. so gorgeous on a salad

• yerba mate, always, forever.. my godmother gave me one that had a smoky taste but i ran out and i wonder if i can get more flavored types here. however it does feel a little sinful or lowkey carcinogenic

dreams:

• i have had trouble describing this dream in any other way so here goes. it felt like i was in a classroom or in the cafeteria at school and the bell just rang. but i was not in a school and there was no ringing bell. that’s just the vibe of the building we were in. you know what i mean? well some people were leaving the room and some people weren’t. i kind of was, and so was Madonna. and as she gets to the door…

  • i tell her: oh my God! hi Madonna! it’s so good to see you! i have been listening to your music so so much lately.

  • and Madonna goes: oh hey! that’s so great! making music is so much fun you should do it.

  • and i was like: you know it’s so crazy that you say that because I have been listening to your song Future Lovers so much lately and it has really been making me want to make music!

  • and Madonna says: oh wow that is so great. (she turns to her bodyguard) oh we have to go? oh ok (she turns back to me) you know, you should talk to her about that (she points to a girl sitting at the table) but it was good to see you! bye!

  • bye Madonna!

• i turn to look at the table where Madonna was pointing and sitting there was M.I.A. like Paper Planes M.I.A. and i go up to her and put my hands in her hands. she had a lot of hand tattoos, i don’t know if that’s the case in real life.

  • and i was like: it’s always so good to see Madonna.

  • and M.I.A. says: yeah she’s great. did you hear what she said?

  • and I say: yeah I wanted to ask you if you could teach me Ableton

  • and M.I.A. was like: yeah totally I got you I can show you some things

  • and then the dream kind of dissolved from there. the fact that i had a dream with Madonna in it (and also in the past Beyonce… and other similar instances…) is just so stereotypical and you know what this is just who i am.

• (this is a separate dream) I was in a giant ballroom with a friend of mine and gave her a big hug. She then violently sneezed behind me (nothing was gross about it, just that it was so ridiculously forceful) and it made me concerned for her. she had to lie down for a second but then she was okay.

• a friend took a picture of me with a baby in my lap. we were looking at it and she says “we grow up so fast” and it felt a little shocking because i saw it as a symbol of youth, and in that moment it turned into a symbol of aging. when i woke up i had the lingering thought in my mind of “what am i really doing here” or maybe “what am i spending all this time on”?

• need to get these dream numbers up babes! will be putting lavender oil on my pillow, certainly.

music:

• ARTPOP (Lady Gaga) especially tracks 1-4

  • okay like yeah bro i’m gay but i don’t get how u can’t listen to this and not be obsessed? it still sounds so fresh and ridiculous over 10 years later. drum builds, drops, and yeah.. those synths… yeahhhh

  • her vocal accent on this album is my favorite because it does take on this blonde cunty persona and layered so well

  • my grandma gifted me this album on CD from a music store in Argentina when i was 13 years old and i still have it yeah <3

• the sexy doll voice that the girls do in Spanish (Rosalia, bb trickz, Isabella Lovestory, Kali Uchis, LVL1)

• Merry-Go-Round of Life (Joe Hisaishi) from Howl’s Moving Castle

  • “i’m sorry i can’t be howl’s fucking moving castle for you” well bitch i can because i’m different

  • first time learning a waltz on the piano this shit is hard. why so many jumps. why are they at weird intervals and why do i actually have to use my right and left hands separately and at the same time?! it’s like when did i sign up for this to actually be difficult but let’s fucking go baby

  • the learning curve for sheet music is crazy because for so long i feel like i’m stumbling on individual keys until it all clicks. maybe it’s better to chase that moment than perfection

    

• jersey club beats

  • i will take any excuse to make it bounce you know what i’m saying?

  • same with funk beats. when i lived in Brazil i couldn’t bear the funk because it was flooding me but now they make me go crazy

  • Mosquito (Jersey Club Remix) by shonci gives me some kind of visceral reaction when they drop the producer tag and also those drumsss my god. i love hearing the kind of DIY quality to the music

  • also big fan of the grunting man, gun click, echo, and stutter sound effects.. it is overstimulating to the perfect degree. i put this on while i do my Excel job and click so many tiny little buttons and look at numbers and it is enjoyable how wonderfully numbing it feels. it’s like a vibrating massager on my skull

i feel a little bit guilty for not writing something juicy! working on it tho for sure. i think i will DJ for my mother for the first time soon which feels like such a dissonance but okay. thinking a lot about the forms of various mediums. and as always, That Which We Can Never Get Back. but also spring is coming and with it many schemes.

send recs back plss <3